kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
