Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My first STD was from a foam party
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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