it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
