I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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