the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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