Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
