She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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