If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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