...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
