It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
