There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize