While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
