If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
