i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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