yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
