I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
