Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
