I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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