Hey man sorry I got all grabby
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
