sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
