Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
