happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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