I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
