My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
