Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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