I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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