if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
