Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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