How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
