You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
