I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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