I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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