I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
