Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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