Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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