my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
