how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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