Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
