they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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