1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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