yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how can u be prego again
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
