So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
