She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
