I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
