Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
