This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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