I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
