Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
