JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
