remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
