So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
