I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
