my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
