All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
third nipple confirmed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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