I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
