it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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