its not stalking. its research.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
