someone threw a dead crab at me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.