literally had 100 drinks last night.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
