you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day