He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
