My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?