thus making me awesome and them whores
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?