lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours