I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
