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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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