I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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