Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
