my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
