We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I checked into jail on foursquare
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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