Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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