I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
