i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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