What tipped you off? The sombrero?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
