yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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