I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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